Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
