is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can you bring me the toilet please
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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