It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
