Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
