yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
