Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
