So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
