I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
