Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sobbing to NWA
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
