I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
