also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
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