a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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