sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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