Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
