apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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