i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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