laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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