worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
