Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
