We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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