These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Of course I have a pirate flag
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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