What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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