i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
