I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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