I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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