my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
