i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
