Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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