I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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