you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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