Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
