My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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