i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
