I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
