im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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