And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
