eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
