he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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