are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
