How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
