Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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