I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
