I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
