You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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