She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
