i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
