wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
