This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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