So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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