i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
