I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
