she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
