You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
