dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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