what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
