"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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